Apr 25, 202112 min read

Fluctuating Energies

I hope everyone is doing well! The weather was nice here (for the most part--underwent a drastic drop and sudden snow in the span of 24 hours lol), so fluffy cat and I enjoyed the springtime. She loves her outdoor adventures! She's been picking out spots for her cat naps all over the house. Saturday seemed like a day of rest--fluffy cat stayed asleep for essentially the entire day. She kept me in bed until 1 pm (she had been sleeping on me, and I never enjoy disturbing her rest/contentment by moving her, so I don't if I can help it); she had moved next to me on the bed and stayed there until 4:30 pm, which is when she crawled onto my lap and slept so more while I watched some of Demon Slayer. I had intended to do more on Saturday, but upon waking it felt like a leisure day--there wasn't any motivation to spur me into action. Fluffy cat only emphasized that view with her constant snoozing. Corliss mentioned it was a day of release, which I found ironic--the last time this happened, I ended up starting my moon cycle considerably early, and it happened again on Saturday. Day of release, indeed (lol).

I had lots of fun this week with April, Iris, Corliss, and her niece, Harper. We went to the zoo, and the girls got quite the kick out of seeing all the animals. Iris wanted to climb basically everything. Iris, Harper, and Corliss got into a leaf fight. It felt like we were at the zoo for no time at all while simultaneously like we were there forever (we were there for hours and hours). It was strange, but that's basically what time has felt like recently. We mainly just chilled and took things at our leisure. It was wonderful. We introduced April to Sauce on the Side, and she loved it! It was delicious like last time; such delicious food! We then chilled at April's place. Iris started instructing April to draw pictures for her. She wanted April to draw a doctor. April started off serious, but Iris wasn't content with the drawings; she'd reply, "That's a good choice, but I don't like that choice, mommy. You should pick a different one." After several additional drawing attempts and receiving the same response, April suggested Iris draw her own doctor since April couldn't figure out what Iris wanted in the drawing (Iris only specified that it was not those other drawings lol). Iris was still insistent that April draw a doctor, though, so April decided to stop being serious. She tapped into her silly side (and the resulting drawings are below); Iris thought they were hilarious. I doubt that's what she was looking for, but they were obviously passable since Iris didn't tell her to make a different choice 🤣 We ended up going to get cookies from Insomnia Cookies because things started feeling really off, energetically speaking. I had been feeling really drained and had gotten a headache (but hadn't noticed it until we left because as we drove away I instantly started feeling better). April had been feeling uncomfortable and like something was watching her for days. We noticed something moving by her neighbor's place, and April first tried to say it was her neighbor. I looked at her and remarked, "That's the second story.... The shadow moved in front of the balcony's wooden bars. There's nothing but air there..." April, with her eyes tearing up, replied, "I know...." It was definitely freaky, but we played negative energy clearing music, which helped. I made sure to stop by my house to grab her some crystals and white sage; she felt so much safer when going back. Apparently, she had intense dreams where an "old man" was trying to get her, but said "old man" moved swiftly up stairs with a walker after April had heard a scream in her dream. There's definitely been some energy lately. I'm sure that whatever it was didn't care for me and my sharing of information--I'm pretty sure that it was giving me a headache and draining my energy in hopes of shutting me up (since I was sharing info about the energy transitions, crumbling of the old ways, galactic assistance, etc.). I'm pretty sure they were additionally miffed when I brought April ways to bolster her defenses (because she hadn't heard of the negative-energy clearing music before either). I wasn't scared, though, since I know the universe has my back. April had told me that I didn't need to go get the crystals and sage for her (she probably thought she was being a nuisance), but I felt too strong an urge not to. Even though it was late and I felt extra drained, I made sure to stop by to get them (and more goodies even arrived from Spiritual Supermall that I was able to share with her--the synchronicity of it all). I was grateful I did because it felt so right, and April immediately felt better. I know that I don't have to take on all the problems of the world; this felt like something I could help with, though--something that was meant for me to help provide aid in.

We went from intense sunshine and warmth on Monday to drastic cold and snow on Tuesday. I found it extra ironic considering the newest episode of Fruits Basket (they premiere on Mondays if I remember correctly--it was up on Tuesday, regardless). Out of all things, the title is "I Hope It Snows Soon." Oh, universe--you have quite the sense of humor!

My mom got home on Friday and grumbled, "Well, that's great." After being out and about at work, she just realized she had mismatched shoes all day; she sent a picture to my sister and me. She wasn't happy about it at all, but I found the universe had a nice sense of humor. Honestly, people rarely look at shoes (I wouldn't have known if she hadn't told me), and she spends her time in an office with only one other person at her job at the moment (they've limited who has office access due to people's beliefs/fears from the past year). So, in all likelihood, one other person would have noticed, but I doubt it since my mom and her coworker are scrambling to keep things in order after their boss's passing earlier this year. I don't see a reason to be worked up--and even if people had seen the shoes, who cares? It's not that deep.

Here are the newest additions to the Perler bead collection! I continued the InuYasha theme. I'm sure the InuYasha group will love them--I know Corliss does!

The energies felt a bit turbulent this week. Corliss felt that a great purge was ongoing this week. April and I were definitely feeling off with the energy. April felt sudden chain pain, tiredness, foggy head, like her body was trying to leave her body, low motivation, etc. It got rather intense. I experienced chest pain/heart pressure, a headache, a intense frustration hit out of nowhere. I had literally been fine and then it hit suddenly like a truck. I woke up in high spirits, motivated to create early on in the day, and by the afternoon rolled around, I felt as if all of the energy had been suddenly swiped away. I started playing negative energy clearing music once I figured out it was not coming from me; it took a minute--it was just me and fluffy cat this afternoon, so I couldn't comprehend why I was feeling that way (it's not like others were around bringing their energies to the table or anything). There was some tech glitches, too; Friday is when my phone started shutting off suddenly (and it's only gotten worse as the weekend has progressed--it's been a frustrating thing to experience, not going to lie. Makes creating new videos extremely difficult as it turns off mid-recording, thus erasing it from existence). I started singing the original Fruits Basket opening and the Dragon Ball Super opening, which helped bring my energy back to where it had been before this energy struck. The Dragon Ball Super opening seems kind of like a theme song for the times. It seriously felt like things were trying to drag me through the energetic muck, so to speak. April noted that she was feeling the energies, as well, and that it felt as if her soul was trying to leave her body. It was such an odd day. The energy/headache tried to make a comeback, but I played the music again and started watching The Way of the Househusband. That helped by focusing on happier things/laughter since I knew with certainty it's not my energy.

April and I discussed a lot about the energies this week. She inquired how I was doing tonight (she was feeling like her soul was trying to leave again). I was honest and noted that I was doing alright but getting rather frustrated with my phone and how it has been shutting off suddenly. I acknowledge that it could be a lot worse, but I'm not going to lie to myself in this human experience--as a human, I'm feeling frustrated. It's not my preference for my phone to shut down and erase videos. I do recognize it is likely doing it's best under the circumstances, but the situation is not my preference. April felt where I was coming from, and the mental image of Shikamaru from Naruto popped into my head, with his "What a drag," which brought some humor into the situation. It felt like a rather accurate description. As I messaged back and forth with April about it, Kyle Cease's recent video, "Stop Finding A Way Out," popped up as a recommendation. It hit home. I shared it with April, and it spoke to her, too. It felt so very synchronistic. His video made me consider what on the inside was frustrating me since the outer world has been sharing a fair amount of frustrations lately. It probably has to do with wounds from childhood, likely from times when I'd get blamed for things by my parents when I'd have no idea what they were even talking about (one instance that sticks out is when I was in middle school on vacation with my family and my cousins' family--my dad erupted in a rage, demanding to know where the "f***ing fork was," and my sister, cousin Mandy, and I had no idea what he was talking about; it was our brothers that had hid the painting) or when they wouldn't even listen to me (one instance that comes to mind is when my siblings claimed they needed to use the computer for homework; I requested a minute to finish up what I was doing, but my parents refused to listen and forced me off that instant--being able to finish what I was doing isn't a ridiculous, outrageous request. It's reasonable). Growing up, I did my best to be the "good girl" and act like the oldest... I was responsible, always did my homework, stayed away from rowdy parties (the energy was too chaotic for me anyhow), stayed away from drugs/alcohol, didn't stay out late, partake in questionable activities, etc. I think I simultaneously wanted to been seen and unseen by them. They dealt with so much anger, and my mom often had temper tantrums (literally with her throwing things across rooms and slamming doors). I'd feel slighted and cheated; they'd always do special things with the others, Drew especially (i.e. special breakfasts and going to movies), and then there was Christmas on my dad's side where everyone would always get presents but me year after year... I can understand as an adult that since my dad's side is so large, they only do presents between godparents, but what kid can understand that, especially when no one ever explains it. I think it boils down to frustration with how I'm treated, even though I basically did "everything I was supposed to." As I processed my thoughts and explained them to April, I had a whole flashback to the scene of Machi and her mom in the latest Fruits Basket episode; after desperately doing everything she could to live her life according to her mother's wishes, her mother told Machi she was boring. She walked that perilous tightrope of expectations, desperately trying to be the person her mother wanted her to be, only to have it blow up in her face because her mother didn't like the person Machi turned out to be. Since this flashback is hit deeply and I teared up, I'd say I'm on to something. I'm not sure how deep this goes (I can't recall an initial childhood trauma that sparked it all at the moment), but I feel like the purge and release that is happening energetically isn't going to let these kinds of things stay down. They're likely going to surface whether we're ready or not. It feels rather intense. Corliss has been experiencing similar things--she had thought she had healed certain traumas and acknowledged them, but the intensity was deeper than she realized.

With the intensity of this week, I appreciated activities of leisure and laughter. Fanfic and anime definitely helped lighten the mood. This week's fanfic includes: Just Say Please, My Only, His Disease, Letter to the Authors, Edible Dream, Secret Agent Man, and Collared . As mentioned previously, I watched the latest episode of Fruits Basket and started Demon Slayer. I also watched The Way of the Househusband due to Corliss's high recommendation; she actually binge-watched it, which is something she hasn't been doing recently, so that spoke volumes. This anime can be completely ridiculous, but I love its sense of humor! I'd end up laughing and get to the point where I was shaking my head and literally remarking back to it, "I just can't with you." Oh, I get excited over anime plenty and can squeal and whatnot; it's not every day that I basically have a conversation with them 🤣 I love the absurdity of it all. Despite it's comedy, it illuminates how people's bias, judgments, and preconceptions can blind them to the reality of the situation. Those cops tried so hard to bust Tatsu even though he is completely innocent when they come across him (i.e. trying to bring lunch to his wife or share herbs with his friend or go to a birthday party). Their deep-seeded conviction and obsession with confirmation bias prevents them from considering alternatives or the whole picture. They literally were spying on him as he grew herbs and vegetables to cook with, convinced that he was growing drugs. They try to bust him when he "makes a transaction" with his friend, Masa; when they try to bust Tatsu and Masa for their "illegal drug dealing," Masa shows them the "drug," which is basil, and proceeds to expound upon all the different uses for basil in cooking. Granted, as an ex-yakuza, Tatsu has scars and a whole vibe to him, but he's truly devoted to being a house husband, and it's adorable. People are constantly terrified of him, unless they actually know him--heck, a neighborhood mom left her son in Tatsu's care. This just illustrates that people shouldn't judge people based on appearances. The cover can be misleading (granted, the cover can be accurate, but it's more important for to determine based on the contents rather than appearances alone). The Way of the Househusband illustrates how anyone can change at any point if they have the will; your past does not define you--what you choose to do now does. The past is the past. It can teach you, but it is the past. It may have made sense for back then, but it does not have to remain your now. Everyone has the potential to learn, grow, and change. The past does not have to limit you; you get to decide. It may not be the easiest to change and try something new (Tatsu struggles at times throughout the show), but that doesn't have to limit you. You may stumble and err every now and then, but that doesn't mean that you are a failure. It's a learning opportunity, a chance for you to grow. If you remain in the known, you will never improve. There's nothing more for you to learn. Sure, that can be a frightening prospect, but who said you would be on your own? There are people who will gladly support you on your journey, much like Miku supports Tatsu as he navigates this new path of being a house husband. You're not alone. The universe will not forsake you; it will provide everything you need at divine timing. Everything happens for a reason. You are not useless or worthless merely because you don't know something; it's just an opportunity to learn. Give it your best shot. See what you can gain from a situation. If it doesn't play out in the way you anticipate or the way you want it to, see what the outcome is teaching you. Life is a classroom and a game; it's full of blessings and lessons. It's okay to "mess up" at times because you're an eternal spiritual being having a temporary human experience. Everything will work out for the best, even if we can't see it at the moment. There are no accidents. Everything is meant. Breathe. We've got this. The universe would never throw something at us that we couldn't handle. The universe has our backs, so rest easy. Cry if needed. Scream if you feel the need. There's nothing wrong with emotions. It's a part of the game of being human. That doesn't mean you have to stay in that emotion or feel guilty for finding happiness. You're meant to tap into the abundance and love of the universe. You're allowed to be happy--it's your right. Energy is contagious, too, so don't be afraid to share your happiness. Share your light with the world. You have more power than you might think. Stay well, and stay blessed with love and light~